Tea Blends Ranked by Life Problems
We Ranked Our Tea Blends By How Likely They Are To Solve Your Life Problems
Let’s get this out of the way: none of these teas will fix your life. But they might make it feel 7% more manageable. And in this economy, that’s saying something.
At TRBL Tea, we don’t believe in miracle cures, detox lies, or pretending you’re going to wake up at 5 a.m. to meditate and juice celery. What we do believe in is real tea, real feelings, and real moments of pause in a world that’s constantly trying to melt your brain.
So here it is: a completely biased, definitely unscientific, somewhat therapeutic ranking of our tea blends, based on how likely they are to help you deal with the chaos of being a human being.
1. Checked Out
For: Anxiety. Existential dread. The crushing weight of being perceived.
This is the blend you drink when your phone hits 6 hours of screen time and you’ve been doomscrolling for 4 of them. It’s got rooibos, chamomile, peppermint, valerian root — basically a botanical shutdown button.
Side effects may include:
- You, under a blanket.
- Falling asleep during the opening credits.
- Accidentally forgiving your ex.
Life problems it helps solve: racing thoughts, unprocessed feelings, and the emotional aftermath of socializing for 2 hours straight.
2. Kinda Radiant
For: Immune funks. Low energy. Not being sure what “gut health” is but knowing you don’t have it.
Hibiscus, turmeric, orange peel, rosehips, rooibos - this one is giving citrusy inflammation-fighting chaos control. The kind of blend you sip when your body feels like it’s trying to reboot mid-week.
This one says, “I’m doing my best,” and actually means it.
Life problems it helps solve: seasonal bugs, bloat, and the general vibe of “I need to get my life together.”
3. Earl-y Grey
For: Overthinking. Deadlines. The morning after you said, “I’ll just have one.”
Black tea with bergamot. It’s a classic for a reason. Strong enough to wake you up, gentle enough to not make your hands shake like a Victorian ghost.
This one’s for putting your big kid pants on and pretending you’ve got it under control.
Life problems it helps solve: productivity shame, trying to be a person at 8 a.m., and back-to-back Zoom calls with people named Chad.
Final Thoughts
Will TRBL Tea fix your life? No. But will it show up for you when you’re trying to take a breath, check in, or just not completely unravel? Absolutely.
Welcome to the Terrible Tea Club - where we drink good tea, feel our feelings, and survive the day one cup at a time.
Your problems may not be gone after a cup. But they might feel a little less loud.
And that’s enough for today.